Security Guards, Receptionists, and Valets...a rant and a rage

I'm so grateful for people whose jobs really make my life easier. Their entire work day is focused on how to improve the function of the facility in which they are at. To illustrate, I will share my experiences the last two days:


First of all, as a pregnant woman I am extremely dangerous.

So dangerous in fact, that the security guard at my husband's med school won't let me walk through the building to escape the rain because I don't have an ID badge. I'm almost 8 months pregnant, in flip flops, its pouring rain outside...but like I said, I don't have an ID badge and so no access for me. Ben, a devoted student, was at my side with his badge, and tried to convince the guard that I was his wife and we were just trying to take a short cut to our car in the parking lot so I didn't have to waddle through the rain.

No sympathy from this guy. Must've been my shifty eyes.

No big deal. But like I said, its pouring rain! So we tried to be sneaky and enter the building through another door (ben has a key per being a student) BUT the guard chased us all the way there and stood at the door with his arms waving a frantic "No!" and blocking us from entering.

Jeez, that guy does his job well. He should get a promotion. No pregnant terrorists will ever get past him.

The next day I had some baby shower invitations for Ben's medical school friends that he forgot to take with him to school so I needed to drop them off. I go to the front desk and in answer to prayer it wasn't that security guard---just a nice-looking receptionist lady.

I proceed to explain that I have 3 baby shower invitations for my husband to give to his classmates and can I please leave them here at the front desk? I'm running late to a dr. appointment and my husband is still coming from another class. Is that ok? He'll be here in like ten minutes.

With a huff and puff the flustered receptionist shakes her head and says absolutely not. It is against the rules to hold anything at the desk for students...what if there is money in those envelopes? She could get in big trouble.

I choke back some frustration and open each of the envelopes, showing her the harmless sheets of paper with blue balloons and other happy-feely decor on them. There is no money in here, no illegal documents, no anthrax. Just a baby shower invitation. Please. Can I please just set these on the desk...I'm running late...he will be here so soon.

No. She'll get in trouble. She can't be accountable for this kind of thing.

So with a flash of brilliancy I ask if I can place them right NEXT to her desk on the newspaper rack. She agrees because it is not ON the desk and kindly assures me that she will make sure my husband can find them!!!

You've got to be kidding me.

Later that same day, I was dropped off at the front of my apartment building by a friend. My apartment has valets to park your car and open the door for you. I've actually made good friends with a lot of the valets, most of them are very shy and incredibly kind. Today they had a new hire...as he opened the door for me he exclaims, "Lady! You are supposed to eat the watermelon piece by piece, not swallow it WHOLE!"

Hilarious...



 'Til next time, folks!


P.S. this blog entry entirely satire. In no way do I discriminate or endorse discrimination of individuals in these professions :-)