Prayers for Kaden

Dear Friends and Family,

This blog update is actually one that has been over a month in the making. We have decided that instead of pretending that everything is ok, we are going to be open and share with you the hard news that has come into our lives recently. We hope that you will be understanding and will keep our family in your thoughts and prayers.

Everything had been going well with the baby until one of my routine ultrasounds. I noticed the ultrasound was taking a really really long time and the ultrasound tech had gotten very quiet. Immediately I felt a dark feeling come over me as he announced that he needed to go get the doctor. After another excruciating 30 minutes, the doctor sighed and turned towards me. He found some very concerning things in my baby's heart. Kindly, he drew a picture and explained to me that little Kaden's heart wasn't functioning very well, one of the main valves was very thin, almost closed off, and it was causing back flow of blood.

Not knowing what this meant or what to do, I sat there in shock as the nurse scheduled me to see a cardiac specialist at the fetal center. I would undergo a echocardiogram so the specialist could diagnose Kaden's heart more accurately. The appointment wouldn't be for a week later...an agonizingly long time.

However, sometimes there are perks in life that you have to take advantage of. Since Ben is a medical student, he has access to all the personal emails of doctors in the med center and he sent out an email to the head cardiac specialist at Texas Children's. She was able to rearrange her schedule and get us in to see her the next day. We felt so blessed to receive answers right away.

After the echocardiogram, things were much clearer as to our baby's condition. He has been diagnosed with severe Pulmonary Stenosis and Tricuspid Valve Regurgitation. There was an accumulation of fluid surrounding his heart, indicating the start of heart failure. Though he had no other visible markers, this heart defect is often associated with genetic disorders, indicating potential for mental and physical disability. Since his heart was so severe, our doctor also cautioned us that there is a chance Kaden might not live to be born.

In just two short days our world came crashing down. We have to face the possibility of losing our little boy or the probability of him having severe problems for the rest of his life. Nothing could have prepared us for the shock and grief we've felt.

In response, I think we both went numb. We stopped all our baby preparations and felt our excitement come to a halt. We did our best to pretend everything was ok and so we apologize to those we lied to.
The specialist told us that all we could do was watch and wait and that a follow-up appointment would tell us even more.

After four weeks that seemed to last four years, we went to see the specialist again. I had been feeling our energetic baby kick me constantly and so I knew that he was still alive. Also, our family had done a lot of fasting and prayer and we know those prayers were answered. Miraculously, Kaden's heart has not gotten any worse, and the fluid around his heart is gone. Though the stenosis is still severe, his heart is pumping as efficiently as can be expected and we have high hopes that it won't digress. Though not out of the danger zone yet, our doctor is more confident that he will make it to term.

What we can expect after he is born isn't the ideal, but again, gives us high hopes. We know that Kaden will have to undergo surgery immediately after birth. We are looking at a NICU stay of anywhere between 2 weeks to 3 months, depending on the success of the surgeries. We are praying that the balloon valvuloplasty will successfully open up his pulmonary valve and that we won't have to go to the extreme of open heart surgery. We still do not know about any mental disabilities or disorders, but cannot know until he is born.

Until Kaden makes his debut, I am seeing my obgyn every week and the specialist every two weeks. They will monitor his growth and make sure that he continues to thrive. We ask all of you to keep Kaden's heart in your prayers, that he will continue to grow and that he will be able to lead a normal life.

This news is something that has devastated us, but through our faith, our family and friends, we feel supported and that we can get through. Thank you for reading! We love you!

Ben and Callista Welling

27 weeks! Start of my third trimester!

Well, my belly has really grown again. My innie belly button is almost an outie!!! I can't wait! An update on my pregnancy:

Morning sickness: FINALLY gone!!!! Thank heavens! But it has been immediately replaced by swollen feet, pounding headaches, and overwhelming fatigue.

Cravings: Cheese, yogurt, chocolate milk. Anything dairy sounds delicious! Also, chips and salsa. Can't get enough of it!

I can't believe that just under three weeks ago I ran a half marathon. I know I couldn't do it now! I've really slowed down my pace--I think the bump just got really heavy really fast! So for now I'm stuck to working out on the elliptical, and that has completely thrown out the window my motivation to work out. Am I the only one to get insanely bored on those machines?

I'm really grateful for Ben who always tells me I look beautiful but I am definitely getting to that stage where I'm really struggling to feel comfortable with my body. I feel like I get stared at whenever I go places and it really bothers me. I wish I could ignore it but I honestly hate going even to the store because someone will ALWAYS comment on my bump, and often the comments are not nice. For example, in the elevator of my apartment a lady addressed me saying, "Wow, you must be pretty close, huh?" AH! I KNOW I AM BIG BUT NOT THAT BIG AND YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY THAT TO A PREGNANT LADY! Needless to say, I am super irritated with people and I'll blame it as another pregnancy symptom :-)

On a positive note, General Conference this weekend was incredible. I was reminded of why I am going through all this, and it is because I know that the greatest happiness in life comes from family. I can't wait to meet my little boy!

Adventures in Austin

Well, Ben and I officially LOVE Austin, Texas. Sorry, Houston, but Austin just seems more our style. We love the rolling hills, the wildflowers, the restaurants, and the culture. Every time we go we have a really good time. It is only a 2 hour drive from our house so it's the perfect vacation spot for weekend get aways.

Two saturdays ago I ran my 1/2 marathon!!! I was 24 weeks pregnant (almost 25!) and ran it in 2:40. It was honestly the best experience. I took it easy and made friends along the way. I tried not to be too competitive, but at the last 3 miles I left my companions in the dust and pushed it to beat all the ladies that said they were determined not to be beaten by a pregnant lady. Too bad for them. I torched them all :-)

We also went camping and before you think I'm really crazy, we had a super nice air mattress and full restrooms. It wasn't all that rugged:) We went with our good friends Jeff and Rachel Whitlock. It was a BLAST! We had tinfoil dinners and smores for dinner and got in trouble with the other campers for being up too late and too loud...turns out those other campers were MORMON too! Oops...way to represent :(

On Saturday we went to Mckinney falls. We had a picnic lunch and hiked and played in the water. The water wasn't too cold...and I really enjoyed the secret cave behind one of the waterfalls. I wish we had gotten more pictures! Ben and Jeff spent all afternoon doing flips off the falls into the water. Everyone there was watching and we heard them mutter under their breath about "those two crazy guys" and warn their kids not to copy them.

I also took a painting class recently...here is a pic of my painting. I don't really like how it turned out. It looks sad. But hey, I actually learned a lot about the proper way to blend colors and hold a brush. I think I just might take it up as a hobby.

Regarding my pregnancy, I still feel sick but it is easing up. I'm REALLY starting to show and my neighbor in the elevator whom I see every morning said, "Hey, are you pregnant?!" to me today. It made me laugh and I wish I had the courage to say, "No, I'm just fat" to see his reaction. But that would be mean.

More belly pics coming soon!

24 Weeks!!!

Well, here is an update of life at this point in my pregnant journey:

I'm STILL sick. I am nauseas every single morning and every night. I have to eat breakfast the minute I wake up or else I'm dry heaving. The ONLY thing that doesn't make me throw up is toast and peanut butter. So that is what I eat for breakfast...and I have eaten that every morning for the last couple of months. Sometimes I get bored and try to eat something else and then I throw it up. So I've learned to be happy that I found something that will stay down. Then, after my toast I usually go on a slow jog/walk. The weather is getting hotter (90 degrees on monday!!) so I'm not sure how long this will last but I am enjoying it while I can. Here is me today at a whopping 24 weeks! (just before a painful 6 mile run!)

Lets just say that before I got pregnant I could do 6 miles in well under an hour. Now with my bathroom breaks, walking for several stretches at a time, and just being slower in general, it takes me about two hours to get it done! But at least I am doing it! I'm really trying to stay fit and not gain too much weight while still gaining what is necessary for my baby. But I am STARVING all the time and I think its his fault :-) He is growing great, and actually is measuring "tall" for his age. I hope he is tall just like his daddy and grandpa. Also I noticed that I am all of a sudden carrying REALLY LOW and it makes me have to pee all the time! 

Some of the coolest things that have happened lately have been this little guy's movements. I've felt him move since before 20 weeks but now I CAN LITERALLY SEE HIM MOVE!! Its so crazy! Ben and I will watch these little limbs poke and slide around under my skin. If it wasn't so cool it would be a little freaky...like an alien invasion of my body! Before, I could only feel the kicks from the inside, but now anyone can put their hand on my belly and feel him do a little football punt! He is a strong little boy!

Besides the morning sickness I can't really complain. I feel like I've finally settled into the happy phase of pregnancy. I'm not super uncomfortable yet and the pregnancy hormones have made my hair grow really thick and my skin looks better than ever. I guess its a trade off...I look "glowing" from what friends tell me, but the only glow I see is from the porcelain toilet when I 'm face down, puking my guts out. Well, I'll take what I can get. 

And finally...we have officially decided on a name!!! Mostly thanks to the craft store Hobby Lobby. You see, I found these cute wooden letters on sale for .30 a piece! I couldn't resist getting them...So right there, in Hobby Lobby, Ben and I chose the name for our son. And fate made it so because almost all the letters were gone EXCEPT the ones we needed to spell our baby's name. So here it is! And this is his little changing table:)

Maybe its bad form or etiquette to announce the name of your baby before he's born, but I don't care. I love this name and I don't think I'll change my mind... :-)  Anyway, til next time! Thanks for reading!

warning: potty humor

I just need to write this down so I can remember it in desperate times. The last couple of days have been really bad depression days. I've felt so sad that I didn't want to leave the house. The reason why is that I felt so HUGE in all my clothes. I was cramping and I couldn't breathe my belly was so big. I felt like my stomach looked like I was already 9 months pregnant and I was so uncomfortable! I honestly couldn't bend over...I shouldn't feel like this yet! I didn't know what to do! I know that you seem to grow in pregnancy overnight but this was crazy!!

Then...I had a marvelous experience in the bathroom. And the huge belly was GONE! I was back to my tiny, barely there baby bump. Phew!

If any of you have ever experienced constipation and gas like that...well, then we are friends.

Just to be clear, I didn't use a laxative. That was my body all on its own. Pretty impressive.

Beautiful Houston

Now that I'm getting bigger and bigger every day, it has become harder to run. Luckily though I've been able to log in the miles a couple days per week and it helps me feel a tiny bit better about my voracious appetite. Which, by the way, is embarrassing. Like for example, Ben and I sat down to eat lunch on Sunday. I compared our plates. I had a huge ham and cheese sandwich...ben was having Kashi cereal with strawberries. Um, yeah. Something weird happened. In Ben's defense, we had bought that Kashi a while ago and it needed to be eaten...usually I would down that stuff but pregnancy has completely changed to my taste buds to that of a man's. Ugh. Will I be this way forever???

Anyway, we have had some of the most gorgeous days here in Houston. Here are so pics of the trails I roam...as well as the 20 weeks pic (well, almost 20 weeks:))

I can't wait!!!

So it has been awhile since we found out we are having a little BOY!.I honestly can't wait!!! This pregnancy seems to take forever! I feel like the days and weeks go by so slow...but I know I need to enjoy each phase. I still have really bad vomiting days but they are NOT every day all day now, so I get a few days every now and then where I feel great! Hopefully as time goes on the sick days will disappear altogether.

During one of my sickest days I decided to write what I was excited about for this baby--just to help get my mind off my misery. It kind of turned poetic...kind of:) Read if you'd like!!!

 I Can't Wait:

I can’t wait until I feel that uncontrollable, desperate love a mother has for her child. 

I can’t wait for those tiny flutters of you, kicking and swirling around. 

I can’t wait to feel those swollen ankles, indigestion, and poking-out belly just so I know you’re there, growing. 

I can’t wait for those intense moments as I undergo pain like unto death to give you life. 

I can’t wait to hear your first cry as your voice announces your arrival. 

I can’t wait to see your face for the first time; to look into your eyes, at your perfect nose, and tiny hands, and know that you are mine. 

I can’t wait to smell you, to rub my nose against your soft cheek, and to hold you close. 

I can’t wait to feel your chest rise and fall with mine as you take your first breaths. 

I can’t wait to take you home for the first time, to have you alone at last!

I can’t wait to change your first diaper and to clean your first mess…its just proof that you are healthy! 

I can’t wait for those sleepless nights, for I am the only one who can keep you safe, for you are mine.

I can’t wait for all the firsts. You are my first in every way and I will be there with you as you first discover the world.

I can’t wait for your first laugh, your first tremble, your first bitter tears. 

I can’t wait to see your face as you first try solid food. 

I can’t wait to learn your fears, your joys, your comforts and your pains. 

I can’t wait for those first toothy grins, and those first shaky steps, and to know I am the one who catches you when you fall, for you are mine.

I can’t wait for your first rainstorm. 

I can’t wait for your discovery of ladybugs and the feel of sunshine on your skin. 

I can’t wait for you to grow excited at airplanes and scared of vacuums. 

I can’t wait for you to first see trees, sky, and soft green grass. 

I can’t wait for the first uttered words that only I can understand. 

I can’t wait for your arms to reach up to me when you are tired. 

I can’t wait for your little fingers to first feel the roughage of a sidewalk, or silkiness of a kitty’s fur. 

I can’t wait to endlessly pick up thrown cheerios and carrots as I discover what you like to eat. 

I can’t wait for your grocery store tantrums, and nightmare filled nights. 

I can’t wait to be your mother, the one person to comfort you and love you despite it all...for you are mine

I can’t wait for your first bruise, your first band-aid, and your first disappointment.  

I can't wait for your first best friend, your first tree house, and your first adventure.

I can’t wait to see you first kick a soccer ball, first baseball game, and your first big win!

I can’t wait to walk into the living room and see you sitting there, tousled hair and scrunched pajamas, sitting with a bowl of fruit loops, lazily watching Saturday morning cartoons. 

I can’t wait to watch your daddy teach you to tie your shoes and to ride a bike.

I can't wait to know what makes you happy, to know what you love in the world. 

I can’t wait to see you struggle; to see you try and fail, and then see you learn to succeed. 

I can’t wait to be this special witness of your life, from most precious beginning, to when you think you’re all grown, and then to when you realize you're not grown at all. 

I can’t wait for you, I can’t wait for our life together, and I can’t wait for the privilege to call you mine.